What Really Drives You?

When I think of the life I would love to have, I think of being financially stable, healthy, having a lit group of close friends (kinda like Issa Rae's circle if we're setting the bar) and just being able to experience life and create memories with people I love. Every time I visualize this life though, it's never now I see myself living it. It's always after I graduate college, get a job, maybe even in my 30s. Recently I decided to call bull shit on that because I'm impatient and I shouldn't have to put what I want on hold.  

Right now I'm a sophomore in college so my days consist of going to class, attending my 3 clubs for the week, socializing here and there (honestly barely), studying and then repeat. It's so boring. I'm extremely grateful to be in college and I wouldn't have it any other way (maybe 30% of the time I do) but I don't see anything wrong with wanting more. The goal is to graduate and get my degree which I do really want but school itself doesn't bring me happiness. Classes are stressful. If I take a break for a second, I end up having 3 labs and a corporate analysis due all in the same hour. Yea, when you pass your test and see your all nighter was worth it, it's rewarding but that only last for a couple days until you have to do it again.

I can go on and on about how much school is irritating but the point I'm trying to make is that just because I've committed to being in college, doesn't mean I should have to neglect everything else I want to do.

Technically there's nothing set in stone that says I can't do other things while in college but it's lowkey engrained in me. Family telling me to focus on school, me worrying about not having money to do certain things, pushing off my happiness because grades are the priority and just not believing what I want is realistic. 

The title of this post is "What Really Drives You?". Do you honestly know? I'm just starting to  be able to answer this question for myself. When you take away everything and be 100% honest with yourself what do you want? Why are you doing what you're doing? What truly makes you happy? I hate to be the one to sound like a parent and talk about social media, but who are the Instagram and Snapchat post really for? The major you're pursuing is it because you like it or because you'll have a stable job when you graduate? If your relationship isn't fulfilling why settle and stay? Along with several other questions you should be asking yourself instead of just going with the motions. That's how you end up 98 and regretting your life. I may sound a little annoying, I know. When I started getting into these topics I felt like it was kind of stupid but when you really think about it, it's important to give yourself life updates and check if you're honestly happy with your situation so you can fix it if you're not. 

I in no way have myself figured out. I still post an occasional snap to see if a specific person will watch, I compare my life to those who appear to have it made and I avoid the hard questions but I am definitely getting closer to bettering myself for myself. I owe it all to the blogs, podcast and books I read. I'm learning that the efforts I put out is what I receive, I don't have to listen to anybody and no one is going to push me to get more out of my life besides me and no one should have to. 

I always have these wild (to other to people it seems wild but not to me) goals that I honestly believe I can achieve but eventually never follow through because I overshare with people who are like LOL yea ok or I just don't try hard enough and then that's it.

I read a lot of blogs and books, watch a ton of interviews and listen to an unhealthy amount of podcast all on the topics of self care, mental health and productivity. These topics are what I live and breath aside from my interest in tech/design. I struggled before with deciding what else I want to incorporate into my blog. My description does say "lifestyle" but I would be lying if I said I wanted to do diy tutorials and skin care routines. I realized since I'm paying more attention to my mental health, learning the importance of taking care of myself and understanding what it means to take control of my life, I can confidently talk about these things.

I think the fact that I'm still posting on here and looking forward to it is sign I'm growing because a couple of months ago, I would've been like yeah no, I'm not doing this because no one cares. Now I'm like I have something to say so I'm going to say it whether 5 or 50 people  want to here it. I'm learning what I want and what I'm capable of. I wanted to go to AfroTech all the way on the west coast so I’m going. I wanted to start a blog despite my poor grammar so here I am. And I have several other goals like getting an internship in Cali next Summer that seems nearly impossible but I'm still going to work towards it while people  call me extra because that's what I want to do. 

I want to introduce these topics into my blog because I myself know it's difficult to figure out what you want and your "purpose". I've had and continue to have breakdowns occasionally where I feel like nothing is working and nothing matters but I'm learning and I want to share what I'm learning.  

This is now becoming a little too corny for me so I’m going to finish this by saying I want to talk about and share my experiences on how to get your life because I'm not trying to wait until I'm seasoned to get the most out of my life I want what I want now.