I’m three weeks into Summer break and I’m just getting my mind out of school mode. I’m about to go on vacation and once I come back, it’ll be time to start working and creating the content I’ve been thinking about for months. These past three weeks have not been easy though. The end of the semester is always my least favorite time of the year because I beat myself up about what I accomplished during the semester. I’ve realized that I’m incapable of separating my self-worth from my productivity.
I split my life into 3 categories, right now it’s school, professional development, and my personal life. I’ve been doing great with professional development. I did a speaking engagement, a UX program and I’ve been making so many connections. But I don’t celebrate these wins because I feel like my failures in school and my personal life cancel out my accomplishments. This is a bad way to think but it’s really hard to not feel this way. Since the last day of school, I’ve been battling myself on what I think I deserve and what really should be defining me. It took me these three weeks to realize it’s not going to be attached to my GPA, an internship or anyone else’s perception of me. I’m worthy regardless. Having a 4.0, an internship at Google and a stable relationship would not make me any more worthy than I am now. So I need to learn how to stop counting myself out of everything.
I know myself better than anyone else and I know my ideas are great but when the criticism and opinions of other people get in the way, that clouds my judgment and sometimes I forget who I am. Making improvements on this isn’t going to be smooth sailing moving forward now that I’ve realized I am not my GPA or a job title, but I think I reached a point where I am starting to care less about people’s opinions so much.
To end this off I wanted to mention a quote from Viola Davis that helped me realize this. She said
“You’re born with worthiness, you don’t have to hustle for it, there’s no prerequisite to it, there’s no bartering for it, you're born with it.”
This is my top 5 for favorite quotes because we’re always waiting for acknowledgment and an accolade to tell us we’re worthy when in reality we’re already worthy and we deserve the things that we work hard for.